The men of #MeToo

Source: theguardian.com

We are currently in a gender and sexuality crisis. Since its launch on October 2017, the #MeToo movement has led to the discovery of hundreds of men responsible for sexual harassment, significantly those in the public eye. However, has any tangible solution really been reached?

The #MeToo movement and those standing behind it often tend to place their focus on the experiences of the victim, in most cases the woman, but perhaps it is time to consider what role men play in this. Perhaps it is time to understand that all men, guilty or not have an effect on the outcomes of such situations and make society understand these responsibilities.

Everyday we see new headlines of men in top positions - whether that be in Hollywood, in politics, or in sport – come out, exposing their behaviours towards women. That’s at the top. Both media and society as a whole ignore the everyday, and almost normalised, attitudes towards both men and women that breed these behaviours.

The #MeToo movement has brought around the fears of demonising all men. The truth of the matter is yes, there are activists and women behind this movement that believe they are fighting this evil that is the patriarchy and that is men. There are those who demand the utmost public support for the movement, otherwise they will begin to assume you are guilty as well. But what they are not understanding is that this is not just a problem that belongs to men and the way they conduct themselves – it is a problem that belongs to all society, because it is society that teaches young men what is and isn’t appropriate.

Almost every stimulant used in our daily lives is somewhat built around the objectification of women. We see the large proportion of men involved in the entertainment industry coming out as responsible for sexual harassment but fail to make the connection that the products of these people are what our society is exposed to. Unless we become very specific, very adamant and very intentional with young people, they are being taught to be misogynistic and we are not even aware of it.

We have the sayings such as “bros before hoes” or the “girl code”, rules that we are inundated with at a young age. Ultimately these rules teach us to value someone or trust someone over another person just because of their gender, rather than treat the situation independently. Having been exposed to this attitude during school years, it then develops and breeds silence in the situations of sexual harassment – situations where men do not challenge other men regarding their actions simply because of the “guy code”.

What we are also taught from a young age is that it is the responsibility of the boy to “get the girl”. We see it in cartoons, Disney films and this notion follows us as we get older. She becomes something to be had. Even just the phrasing of it, “getting” women or girls, takes their agency out of the situation, eliminating what they may or may not want and therefore suggesting that the man’s needs are the only needs to be satisfied.

Source: todaysveterinarybusiness.com

When a male shows interest in a female, and sexual conquest is not their goal, it is either assumed that they are lying or even more commonly their manhood is questioned. This then leads to the isolation of that particular male. You can see how attitudes towards relationships with women have evolved just by looking at the changes in the language and terminology that is used. What once was “I want to hit that” has now become “smash that”. What is evolving here? Violence and misogyny and that is what young people are now being exposed to. How can they grow up and think this is inappropriate when this is what they are taught during their developing years?

Essentially society has created a majority of “good men”. These men may not be committing actions like rape or assault that are deemed illegal, but these things do not happen without the involvement or permission of the “good men”. All men create the collective socialisation of manhood. There are very few men who see these behaviours against women happening and make a conscious effort to stop it. Having said that all women cannot be given a free pass at this either. It is the responsibility of all. Good people are a part of this.

This brings me to understanding what is the difference between a “good” man and one who should be considered guilty. There is a very thin line and ultimately, but unfairly it often depends on how the law is defined and employed. You could be responsible for some awful acts and still be on the side of the law, and therefore, still be accepted by society. “Good” and “well meaning” men, are considered as such for as long as they individually are not harassing anyone - but is it fair to not challenge atrocities that the individual witnesses and yet still hold that label of a “well meaning” man?

We should be encouraging men to see themselves as valued. How can we expect them to value and respect women without teaching them to respect themselves first? That isn’t the most political view but it is definitely a solution. Change can start once men and all people learn to be okay with being uncomfortable. What is necessary is for people to challenge and interject the behaviours.

Thank you for reading!

Aman