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| Source: Hollywoodreporter.com |
When discussing gender issues, many writers, critics and
people, myself included, have tended to focus on the issue from a woman’s
perspective. Day in and day out we talk about feminism and equality of the
sexes currently being wrongfully unattainable for the women of today. But in describing
feminism and gender equality, should we not also look at what it means to be
masculine?
Justin Baldoni, an American actor and director has recently launched
his campaign, ‘Man Enough’ a male centred talk show which aims to kick start
conversations about male identity. The show has been described as a weekly
dinner table discussion where Baldoni invites different men to share their
thoughts on what it means to be a man today.
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| Source: TED.com |
Having watched the first two episodes, it is clear to see
that there are obvious flaws in society’s view of what it should mean to be masculine.
The group discuss the definitions of masculinity and how they
go on to influence everyday objects in our lives. Derek Hough recalls a moment
he asked a shop assistant which scented candle would be recommended for him.
The answer he was given was “go with something woody, that’s the most masculine”.
What do we associate with wood? A sense of strength, a sense of being rigid, unmovable and stoic, all things a man should ‘supposedly’ be.
The series often goes back to the ideas and standards that are
instilled from a young age. In lower
school, many children experience a short period where the opposite gender is
completely undesirable: “girls have germs” or “boys are gross”. However eventually
it becomes okay for that one girl to go and play football with the boys. The
same treatment is not practised when a boy decides to go over and play with the
girls. He is instantly labelled weird, strange and even gay.
We see celebrities asking almost every day why women are not
given the same standards as men. We ask, “why does it become a miracle when a woman
can maintain stamina in the gym for just as long as the man next to her?”, yet we
refuse to ask the standards of men to meet those of women. Jane Ward, a professor
specialised in gender studies at the University of California states: “This man
brushing his daughter’s hair is applauded as almost an act of heroism, and it’s
so telling for something like that to go viral, because it’s perceived to be so
remarkable that a man would gently brush his daughter’s hair. People think it’s
news.” By lowering standards for men in activities that are thought to be
feminine, are we not limiting them to what we as women feel limited towards? It
is this ignorant attitude from where societal rules concerning gender roles
emerge.
A central theme of the series is the idea of vulnerability
and how that might interfere the process of being masculine. Baldoni talks of
the difference between showing emotions, and becoming vulnerable. Over the
years it has become more acceptable for men to show their emotions, they do it
all the time through happiness, resentment, sadness among others. But it is
rare to see vulnerability, to put away the mask of masculinity for one movement
and reveal what is concealed.
According to society, women are known for their ability to
have meaningful conversations about topics that men may try to avoid. Both men
and women witness how and know these conversations bring women together, and change
their sense of strength, yet it is still resisted. During these emotional
conversations, women do not always have the answers. From my own experiences I know
that you will not always have the solution to a friend’s problem. But most women
just share and listen knowing that the answer or quick fix will not always be there.
Men, on the other hand, are made to believe, due to the media and ideas of
identity, that there must always be a fix. So when there is an issue,
particularly an emotional one that may not have an obvious solution, it becomes
foreign to the man and he avoids it the next time. This learned behaviour prevents
vulnerability in what is supposed to be the masculine archetype.
This is where masculinity becomes toxic. Toxic masculinity
serves as an example of how patriarchy becomes harmful and debilitating to men.
It is restricted to the socially constructed ideals of what it means to be a man,
in the sense of aggression, a lack of emotions and power. It is important to
recognise that power is not a substitute for masculinity, but rather a
characteristic of forms of masculinity.
There are hundreds of women’s talk shows out there and whilst
they are needed, the idea of a male talk show with the purpose of discussing
the meaning of being a man is refreshing to say the least. Therefore I encourage
you to watch an episode or two, not from a woman or man’s perspective, but
rather a human perspective.
Thank you for reading!
Aman
